Life after 40

Exhausted

Mon, 18 Feb 2008 18:57:39 GMT

My last of 4 12's, I'm so tired. Things aren't terrible in here today, some of the procedures that were making me run my ass off have been discontinued, so it shouldn't be as hectic, but I'm just completely burnt.

Have to run again...

Thu, 14 Feb 2008 00:10:50 GMT

We went to the Kennedy School for lunch today. It's a hotel/bar/brewpub and it's totally cool. It's only a couple miles from our house and we're dying to have friends stay there when they visit us, it's awesome!

http://www.mcmenamins.com/index.php?loc=57&id=79

Blackberry Pearl and date night

Sun, 10 Feb 2008 06:07:49 GMT

I splurged on a Blackberry Pearl today. It's cool, and I'm having fun messing with it. I've managed to transfer pictures and songs to it from my computer and have started assigning ringtones to my friends and family. I can't figure out how to synch my calendar to my computer and back, and I can't figure out how to set up my hotmail account on there. I have my yahoo, but hotmail is my primary address. I'm too tired to keep trying.

We went out to an Middle Eastern restaurant for dinner, it was freaking great. After we ate, we went up to the hookah bar and had a double apple hookah and Turkish coffee. st_minutia when you and the hubby come for a visit we're taking you there, lots of vegetarian choices. We don't need to do the hookah thing, the food is good enough.

Oh yeah, another thing st_minutia, I finally managed to work out the moo shoo mittens. I made one fatal error. When I went to knit #2 I grabbed the wrong needles, so one's bigger than the other. I do believe I have enough yarn left to make a #3 to match #2. I'll take pictures soon. They're cute.

I don't know why

Fri, 08 Feb 2008 20:52:22 GMT

I don't know why I'm writing more, I have nothing new to contribute. I'm so out of it thanks to those Zyrtec Ds. It's probably not good that I'm in charge of maintaining people on life support. Nah, actually it's not that bad, I'm sure I can pull it together long enough to handle emergencies.

I'm a little bummed, Shawn emailed me and told me he's only off Saturday then starts nights on Sunday. I'm off Saturday-Thursday. I guess if they offer me some of those $500 days while I'm off I might come in. It sucks that I don't actually get much money after taxes.

Well, there's a nurse that's pregnant and it's all she can talk about, so I guess I'll leave the room.

Rough night, grouchy day

Fri, 08 Feb 2008 17:22:48 GMT

My ear was bothering me yesterday, the only thing that works are prescription strength decongestants. Lucky for me I still have some from last winters horrible 3 month bought with bronchitis. It feels better, but between that and my throbbing knee I got next to no sleep. So, I'm a crabby ass bitch today.

I have the same assignment as I did yesterday, 8CSICU, I like it, it's fine, the nurses are nice, doctors are approachable, I'm just grouchy and I'm sharing the unit with a really always grouchy person.

I'm happy that it appears for now at least my orientation to peds is on hold!

gotta run

Today

Thu, 07 Feb 2008 00:40:49 GMT

Well, I already posted the pics and that pretty much took my entire day. I did notice however that my knee feels pretty good! It's really feeling better. I'm amazed. How can it go from hurting so bad I cry to feeling pretty close to normal?!?

Getting tattooed always makes me feel sleepy. It's only 4:30 and I'm ready for bed!

The drive to Eugene was nice. Good weather going down and just a small amount of rain coming up. I didn't have any traffic going down, I ended up being 30 minutes early. I guess that was fine, I'd rather be early. Going home I only hit traffic just as I was trying to cross the Willamette river in Portland. Not too bad.

Ok, guess that's it. I can hardly keep my eyes open!

my new tattoo

Thu, 07 Feb 2008 00:02:26 GMT

It's bloody and swollen and the shading won't look right for about a week. Not to mention since Shawn's working evenings I had to take the pictures by myself, kind of hard to do when it's on your forearm. I love it and was shocked when he only charged me $250 (he usually won't touch a portrait for less that $800! Pays to be friends with the artist I guess).

Pictures

Tue, 05 Feb 2008 21:12:54 GMT

This is the picture of my dad I'm having tattooed tomorrow. I'm excited. The artist is amazing, I'm sure he'll do a great job. I'll post the tattoo tomorrow.

Nothing really

Tue, 05 Feb 2008 18:08:48 GMT

I made a nice mistake, I'm glad I looked last night before leaving work. I thought I worked tomorrow then was off Wed/Thurs. Turns out, I'm off today and tomorrow then work Thurs/Fri. Yeah!!! Good thing too because I only had a one day reprieve from the knee pain. Last night was misery. Oh well, it was really nice knowing I can be pain free some day.

I printed out some passive exercises to do for my knee. I hope they hep. I was sure the water exercises would help but they didn't.

Shawn works evenings this week. I might just walk to the new knitting place I discovered just blocks from my house after he leaves. I'm working on a project I don't know if I want to finish. It's nice because I'm knitting squares with different styles, so it's nice practice but I don't know if I want to make 20 panels of 3 different styles. I have to knit with two strands so it's using quite a bit of yarn. I probably will stop after the third square, connect them and make it a little kitty bed. Gibby loves laying on my knitting projects. This could be his personal little blanky.

I have a doggie sweater pattern I plan to make it for my friends Boston. I guess I could work on that too. No reason I can't have more than one project going at a time.

stolen from AG

Mon, 04 Feb 2008 20:53:05 GMT

Funny, usually that's when I hit a low in my energy and want to take a nap

Finally

Mon, 04 Feb 2008 19:13:27 GMT

I slept well for the first time in weeks. Sleep, wonderful sleep, no waking up crying in pain 2am baths hoping it would help, no handful of excederine, just sleep!

I woke up to minimal knee pain, very tollerable and it's still doing ok.

I got to work and was assigned peds again. The woman who was "orienting" me was obviously pissed that she had to take me on. As luck would have it, a last second reprieve, they called me, told me I had to take over 8SICU (yes!!!). I was so happy. I didn't care that there were 9 vents, treatments and 3 surgeries coming out, I was just pleased to be out of the peds area. Even better, I have a helper person who took several vents and treatments, I feel like I won the lottery!

Shawn's working evenings for the week ,so I pretty much won't see him all week, not happy!

a couple new knitting projects

Sun, 03 Feb 2008 18:11:38 GMT

My first cable knit scarf

Fingerless gloves. Not great, but it was my first real attempt to use double pointed needles. I still can't transition between the needles without a gap. You can see the big gap right in the middle of the wrist band.

kitty pic. He didn't like it wrapped around him, but he loves sleeping on it.

Thank goodness for short staffing!

Fri, 01 Feb 2008 19:14:10 GMT

Thanks to the staffing situation, I didn't have to work in peds today! Yippee!!!!!! I'm so happy!!!! I'm back in 8CSICU, my second favorite place next to MICU.

I didn't sleep well, knee issues again, of course. I've signed up for short term disability on the assumption that I will be having surgery at some point.  It still won't kick in until 30 days after, but the 8 days after was way too cost prohibitive.

Shawn and I are off for the weekend together. Next week he works 3-11, so we won't be seeing much of each other. That makes me sad. At least it's only one week.

Wednesday I go to Eugene for my tattoo. I'm excited but I sure wish Shawn could go down with me.

I guess that's it for now. Can't wait for the day to be over!!!!

They caught me!

Thu, 31 Jan 2008 18:29:15 GMT

I guess I knew it had to happen eventually, they have me in pediatrics. It's not as horrible as I thought although it's fucking busy as hell. We're lucky to get a lunch break, that's for sure! I have another week of it at least, that sucks ass!

I was right about the $500 days, there will be plenty of them. They called last night (right after I got home from work) to offer me one today. I would have but my knee has been 100x's worse. It started Tuesday. I think I either tore it more or I've just re-injured it. It feels different, like a muscle tear both front and back. I can't fully extend or bend my knee at this point. I can't go to the doctor because I don't have inusrance for 60 days. I think I better get some short term insurance too because I have a terrible feeling that surgery will be in my future. Last night and the night before it hurt so bad I cried. I can't sleep because my knee can't touch my other leg or the mattress or well, anything. I can't bend it or straighten it out without pain so bad it causes me to break into sobs of pain. I'm just waiting to have a huge GI bleed from all the Excederine I've been taking. I've given up on everything else, it doesn't work either, but in my mind it helps a tiny bit, which is more than anything else has!

Well, since all I do is work and laundry lately, I guess there's really nothing to write about. It's snowed the last couple days. It's pretty grey out right now but it's neither snowing or raining. I'm going to be lazy, MAYBE do a load of laundry, but then I'm going to sit on the couch watch tv and knit. I'm learning to do cable knit. It's much easier than I thought it would be. Oh, and Alicia, that gift you gave me is kicking my ass. I've started it 6 times and keep fucking it up. I'm taking a break and will try it again when I'm done with this project. It looks simple, the instructions are easy enough, but I keep coming up with different counts than they say I should have. Any 6 year old could probably manage it, but I sure as hell can't!

Ok, breakfast and a day of couching.

Weekend with my sweetie!

Sun, 27 Jan 2008 22:07:06 GMT

I love having days off with Shawn. It's not like we really had any big plans or did anything, but it was just really nice. Saturday morning we got up, went to the Cadilac Cafe for breakfast. Yummy. Did our grocery shopping and such. We went to the mall and I bought a bathing suit. I figure with my knee so fucked up, I can only do non-impact exercise. We ran to Michael's, Shawn's been jonesing to paint, so we bought painting supplies, of course I had to buy some more yarn. We went to the gym, Shawn worked out while I swam laps for 1/2 hour then sat in the sauna and jacuzzi. Even that made my knee ache like crazy, but I just had to do SOMETHING! When we got home, Shawn started painting, I knitted for awhile then baked some cookies and made dinner. We watched a stupid movie on HBO then off to bed.

Today we got up, drove around town a bit looking for an open art supply store but no luck. We went to the Hawthorne district and found a little Crepe restaurant and had brunch. Shawn's off biking now while I'm trying to decide if I should do dishes or knit. Hmmm....

Overtime day

Fri, 25 Jan 2008 18:28:52 GMT

I was expecting to get screwed and hard today, but I ended up with a not too terrible assignment. I'm in the cardiac SICU again. I like this unit. Lots of preggos in here now and that's all they can talk about, but I just ignore that aspect. Even if I was getting screwed, making $500 today makes the pain that much easier!

I couldn't sleep last night. My knee was fucking killing me. I couldn't get comfortable, it ached constantly then every so often I'd get stabbing pains. Once I get on this insurance, I'm going to see a real doctor about it, this is insane! I took 2 aleve (sp?) before bed and it did nothing! That stuff is shit! At about 1am I got up and took 3 excederine and that helped enough to fall asleep at least.

gotta run

What was I thinking...oh yeah, money

Thu, 24 Jan 2008 17:18:36 GMT

Again, no orientation, that's fine, but instead of being in the same place I've been for 2 days, they give me a crap ass assignment, floor treatments and helping one of the super lazy know-it-alls around here. I have to give her a lunch break. When does she want to go? 11am...why should this matter? Because 11am is the start of second rounds. So basically what she's telling me is she wants me to do her assignment. Fuck her!

Then, I was supposed to be off tomorrow, but they waved an extra $7.50 an hour plus overtime after my first 4 hours, I couldn't pass it up. I'm sure they'll fuck me hard tomorrow, but we need the money so I'll just bite my tongue and take it. Shawn's working tomorrow, so there's really no reason to stay home. Well, I could do dishes. With both of us working all week, we've both been too exhausted to do them. I think we're going to have to suck it up though, there isn't a cup,bowl or utensil to be had now. Ugh!

Guess that's it. I have a few patients to see before I relieve the princess.

Orientation, yeah right...

Wed, 23 Jan 2008 21:49:21 GMT

Well, I can't say I'm upset about it, but I got to work yesterday and was told that I had to take a regular assignment instead of orienting in peds. Fine by me! I did get my ass kicked in the worst way, I had the cardiac ICU, with 3 surgeries coming out on ventilators, I had treatments on the floors and I had the trauma pager. So, I get 2 of my hearts at the same exact time. That was freaking fun... Then, I get my third heart and a trauma call. I got my heart on his ventilator and ran to the ER. We had to transport him to CT scan, and while I was there I get a call that there's a level 1 trauma coming in. I called my lead tech and she basically blew me off. I finally called her and said. Have 7a therapist come to CT, she's getting this patient and I'm going to the ER. I'm only one freaking person, but I was pretty sure they were going to need me for the second one because it was a gunshot wound to the face! Sure enough, had to bag her and take her to CT scan too. It was a freaking crazy day with NO breaks.

Again today I'm on a regular assignment back in cardiac ICU. Luckily, that's all I have today. I've been busy but it's not too bad because it's just one place. Oh and I got a lunch break. That really helps!

Guess that's it. I have a heart due out any second.

Still nothing

Tue, 22 Jan 2008 00:12:32 GMT

Again, I don't know why I'm writing. I haven't done anything except laundry, dishes and sweeping my lovely wood floors. I've also almost finished my second fingerless glove. That's it.

Shawn is on his way home and I'm making a pork sirloin roast with carrots and potatoes...yummy. I love cooking. I wish I had gone to cullinary school instead of respiratory school...wah!

I ended up not going anywhere because despite the beautiful sunny day, it's FUCKING COLD! Freezing as a matter of fact. I just couldn't face the bitter cold!

No real reason to write.

Mon, 21 Jan 2008 17:39:48 GMT

Shawn started work today. I'm just sitting around doing nothing. I'm trying to get myself up and moving, doing a little laundry and what-not. It's a beautiful sunny day here in Portland, I should get out and about for awhile. We'll see. I really can't be spending any money, things are going to be super tight since Shawn doesn't get his first paycheck until the 20th of February I think. Scary!

I'm really bummed about my friend Deborah. I'm kind of shocked and hurt that she didn't even call again. I left a couple voice messages and texted her a couple times too. Oh well. What can you do.

It does seem like there was something I wanted to write about but I can't think of it now, so I guess I'll get off my ass and do some housework, think about getting out for awhile then if it comes back to me, writing later...

nada

Sun, 20 Jan 2008 16:43:43 GMT

Managed to get out of work Friday at about noon. I was a little ticked off at Shawn when he informed me he didn't call the manager about the fuses. I called and left a message for her. Lucky for us she had her phone forwarded to her cell so she called back fairly quickly. Go figure, the fuse box is behind the stove! I sure wouldn't have looked there!

I had a message on my phone, my friend Deborah was in Portland. She said since I didn't answer she was going to head to her daughters place in Washington. Ugh! I've left messages from her and haven't heard back, so I guess I won't be seeing her. I'm sad, she's so close and I don't get to see her.

Yesterday we got out and about, we decided we were going to find a cool independent coffee house. That's not too hard around here. While we were heading to one Shawn wanted to try we decided to go to lunch instead. We found a Mexican place. It was good! Not spicy at all, that was a bit disappointing to me, but the tortillas were freshly made, and everything else was tasty and fresh too. Yum! We stopped at a vintage place not far from our house. It always caught my eye but we never stopped. The place is great! The have tons of vintage clothes, shoes, glasses, furniture and also just some really funny cool cards and magnets. I found a vintage cardigan that reminded me of my grandpa.

We decided to go bowling. I've been putting it off because of my knee, but I figured it hurts no matter what I do, so fuck it let's go! We called our friend Karen to join us. We got stuck next to a b-day party of 3 year olds doing bumper bowling. I wanted to kill myself. Then, to make matters worse, there was something making our feet stick right when you're supposed to slide. Every time I went up I was nervous about hitting that spot, it sucked! I had a knee brace on, that helped while playing, but I've been paying for it since. Oh well, I can't not have fun forever.

After that we did a little grocery shopping and came home. Shawn drew, I knitted. I finished one fingerless glove, have one more to do, then I have to do the top part that buttons over it to make mittens. I've never had to do button holes, we'll see how that goes. I still can't knit with DPNs without leaving a gap stitch between each needle. I guess I should ask a professional some time. Maybe next time I go for yarn.

Last night I had a dream about my other grandpa and my dad. We were at my grandpas house, well, not like any house he ever lived in, this was a mansion. He and my dad were sitting in the living room playing guitar and singing like when I was a kid. They were singing "He stopped loving her today". I went into the other room and said something to my mom like "Isn't it great to be able to hear them sing again." I sure do miss that.

Orientation day 4

Fri, 18 Jan 2008 17:11:20 GMT

Today I have to get checked off on EKGs. Fine. I've been doing them for 10 years now, but here at OHSU I have to fulfill their check-off. So, I had to watch the most poorly made video (circa 1970) on how to perform proper EKGs, then I had to take a test. Once I passed that, I had to come over here and be instructed by the EKG "supervisor" (probably makes $12/hr) on how to enter the proper information into the machine. I had to demonstrate full knowledge of data entry to her. Now I'm waiting to go out with the tech (prob. makes $9/hr) to have her check me off and tell me that I'm ok to do EKGs.

Once again, I am ready to throw myself out the window in order to end it all.

On another note, I was blow-drying my hair when the heater came on, it blew a fuse (where's the fuse box? I have no idea) so we were in the dark, except for the light in the kitchen that stayed on). I hope Shawn called the manager, he didn't want to bother her, but I told him he needed to call her ASAP or she would be at the Portland dog show all day and we'd be without power until god knows when.

Another day of orientation hell!

Thu, 17 Jan 2008 19:22:41 GMT

god, I hope they're not going to make me stay here for 12 hours! I've done exactly 3 things today and I've been here for 4 hours! I'm going to hang myself from one of these low hanging water pipes!

How Rude!

Wed, 16 Jan 2008 16:03:11 GMT

So, yesterday the Asst. Director (or whatever her useless title is) told me that HR still hasn't sent my Novell password, and that my orientation day (today 1/16) can't be done without it. I was supposed to have Thursday off so she said. Call me around 7:30 (1/16) and if they've sent it to me, I'll have you come in. Otherwise, you can come in Thursday instead. Fine...

So, I get up, shower and call her just after 7:30, wanting to give her a chance to actually get there and turn on her computer. She's somewhere, they've seen her, but when they transfer me back to her phone all I get is the answering machine. So, here I sit. Waiting for her to call me back. What am I supposed to do? Sit here all fucking day and when she gets it, go in? WTF? So this will be my day off? Sitting here waiting for her to call me? Then tomorrow, the day I knew I had off I have to go to work? This is fucking bullshit!

Oh well.....

Orientation day 2

Tue, 15 Jan 2008 21:51:57 GMT

Twelve hours of this crap, dear dog!

So far I've reviewed policy and procedures for medication protocols.  Taken tests on the two major ventilators and well, I think that's it! It's only 2pm and I'm here until 7! I don't know what the hell else we're supposed to be doing!

The woman who's going over all of this with me is nice and thankfully I don't look too stupid, the same questions I don't get she doesn't get either. I don't know who made it up, but they're idiots!

Shawn still hasn't started his job. I don't know what the fucking hold up is. He called them today and the department is blaming human resources. They said they haven't gotten his drug screen back yet. How fucking long does that take, it's been over 10 business days! I told him maybe they should just send him for another one, clearly it's lost, there's no way it can take this long! In the meantime, if he's off work much longer, we're not going to be able to pay our bills.

Guess that's it for now. I want to go home, this sucks ass!